I was presented with this problem, and just had to solve it.
This scientific equation, though admittedly still purely theoretical, is meant to represent in numerical value the biggest mystery of our time—the meaning of life. The variables in very reasonable formula represent the following:
- O - The number of orifices on the human body. Under normal conditions, this number is constant. Take special note that the ‘O’s in the end formula cancel. This is to signify that, contrary to previous theories on this very controversial topic, while the number of human orifices are subjectively important, their weight in the total is negligible.
- F - Each ‘F’ represents a single foot on the human body. Under normal conditions, this number is constant.
- E - Each ‘E’ represents a single eye on the human body. Under normal conditions, this number is constant.
- V - The number of valence electrons shared by the compounds that comprise Earth’s atmosphere. This variable is key; without it, we’d all suffocate.
- D - The number of Earth’s day cycles in one revolution around the sun. Generally speaking, this number is constant.
- K - The average daily temperature, in Kelvin, of the Red Sea between March and April. This is perhaps the most difficult part of the formula to calculate, as no one likes using Kelvin.
- A - Avagodro’s number. This constant is in moles, 6.02214129(27)×1023.
- ? - This represents the number of times you’ve woken up in a ditch in a nondescript Arkansas field missing your clothes, a kidney, and your dignity, because that’s what happens when you mix coffee and vodka. Generally speaking, this number can be no greater than two.
- C - Our unknown. It represents the number of years, in centuries, it will take for any of this to make sense.
It is implied, of course, that this formula only works in normal pressure and constant Earth gravity. Even so, I wholeheartedly believe that, like me, you will soon recognize the legitimacy and multitude of applications of this theory.
It’s quite simple, really.